January 8, 2011

Porn Stars' Oscar Picks

by Steve Dollar

Porn Stars' Oscar Picks

They call Southern California's adult film industry "the other Hollywood." And much as their mainstream counterparts, porn stars, too, gather during awards season to hand out trophies to their best and brightest. Although you'll likely never see Meryl Streep nominated for best performance in a double penetration scene.

As the XXX elite gathered in Las Vegas for tonight's AVN Awards ceremony—the Porno Oscars, if you will—I chatted with a few notable talents to get their favorite contenders in that "other" race.

[WARNING: Far safer for work and more thoughtful than you'd expect.]

Tom Byron Tom Byron
(adult movie legend, owner of Tom Byron Productions, "Best Parody – Comedy" nominee for The Human Sexipede, in which he also performs)


Like I said, I saw the trailer. I didn’t have time to sit there and watch it, The Human Centipede. Crazy German doctor, I could probably handle the role. I didn’t need to study. Who was the guy, Dieter?

Dieter Laser. What’s the name of your character?

Doctor Heiter. We used the same names. We don't really follow the story. It's much more sex-positive than the Centipede. The guy just wants everyone to be happy. He doesn’t want to kill them. He doesn’t make them eat shit. He just wants everyone to have sex for-EVAH!

You've played famous roles in a ton of porno knock-offs.

We did Kinky Business back in '84. We did a lot. That's what we used to do. When the industry runs out of ideas, the parody is always handy. I did On Golden Blonde. Was I in Ramb-Ohh!? Remember Ramb-Ohh!, with all the extra "H's"?

Charley Chase Charley Chase
(nominated for "Unsung Starlet of the Year")


Best movie I have ever seen in my entire life. Just the way they shot it, the camera angles. It looked like they used an older camera or something. It's perfect. I feel like I was there in that day. It wasn't even like a movie, it was like a documentary, but not necessarily a typical documentary. Mark Wahlberg is great, and his brother...

Christian Bale?

Unbelievable. For someone who's not really on drugs to be able to portray that kind of character, it was unbelievable.

Which guy would you go for?

I'm definitely more of a Mark Wahlberg kind of girl. I just hear he's really short. I like a guy to be a little bit bigger. Somebody who can hold me down. I'd like to do The Rock. You know he's a big guy.

Yeah, Bale is kind of scrawny in this one.

He's got great muscles.

And he plays a good psycho.

Yeah, I want angry though, not so much neurotic. Someone who's insane, but pissed off.

Asa Akira Asa Akira
(nominated for "Female Performer of the Year")


It reminded me a lot of Jacob's Ladder. It was actually the scary that's psychological scary, not the horror. But there were points where I couldn't look at the screen because I was scared.

Porn is, obviously, a very physical and sometimes bruising field to work in. Do you see any parallels at all?

I didn't even think of that. Personally, no. Porn is not as serious, for lack of a better word. But my AVN dress is Black Swan-inspired. I got a little obsessed.

Were you a fan of Natalie Portman all along?

Definitely. I think the Oscar usually goes to someone who's deserved it a few times and I think she fits with that. She was really good in Closer. I think she deserves it.

Would you rather do a scene with Natalie or Mila?

You know what? I like doing girl-girl, I don't like watching girl-girl. But that scene was so hot. At the end of it, I noticed my fists were clenched and I was holding my breath. It was that hot. I probably want to go with Mila Kunis though.

Tim Von Swine Tim Von Swine
(director-performer, co-star with Claire Robbins and Katie St. Ives in "Best POV Sex Scene" nominees Jerkoff Material #4 and #5)


The Other Guys was the best bad film made in the history of big-budget movies. They went out of their way to pull gags and let stunts run that were so flat and so uncomfortable. I really respected how they ran with the gags in the wrong direction so many times. They made a whole movie out of bad jokes, and not in a cheesy way. They were trying to be sharp with it but it can go over so many people's heads. The best bad movie ever made, and some of it was pretty funny.

Manuel Ferrara Manuel Ferrara
("Male Performer of the Year," "Best Three-Way Sex Scene" and "Best Director, Non-Feature" nominee for Slutty & Sluttier 11)

BEST PICTURE: The Social Network

Great movie. Great movie. I think this movie is going to win.

Are you a David Fincher fan?

Who doesn't like Se7en? But I'm not really a director's fan. There is one director I am a fan of, a French director named Jean-Pierre Jeunet. Paul Thomas Anderson. But otherwise, I hate Michael Bay.

Many of your colleagues seem to like Black Swan.

I didn't see that one! I want to see it bad! That's a director I really, really like. One of my favorite movies is Requiem for a Dream. Incredible. The Fountain was really good, too.

You're from Paris. Any other French films you liked this year?

A Prophet. Unbelievable. He did such a good job. When I was done watching it, I was... Oh my god. Being from France, I can see how people in America could watch it and not see how really real it is. MicMacs I love.

Some of this year's biggest AVN Awards categories are devoted to the dozens of feature parodies produced this year. But your movies are more like porno vérité.

Let's face it. We are terrible at acting. The number of people who can act in this industry is... count 'em on one hand. You can't find people who can fuck and act. It's either one or the other. The fucking is more my thing than the acting.

What about the flipside? Have you seen any sex scenes in mainstream movies that really clicked for you?

There's one in A History of Violence where they do a 69 on the stairs. I had never seen that before, they did it really good. And also there was a movie with Joaquin Phoenix and Eva Mendes [We Own the Night]. The sex scene at the beginning of the movie was really very realistic.

French filmmakers often push the envelope, but you never see real actors doing it. They always bring in Rocco Siffredi.

You know that [French-Vietnamese performer] Katsuni and I did something for Gaspar Noé a little while ago. He filmed it. We were fucking for real.

For Destricted?

Yes. Gaspar is a really nice guy. Super cool guy. Very out there. He wants to do things. He has these ideas and he changes it at the last minute. But very cool. It's funny to work for a guy like that. He says, "Just fuck, guys, and I'll film around it."

Bobbi Starr Bobbi Starr
("Female Performer of the Year" nominee and collegiate oboe-player)

BEST PICTURES: Black Swan, True Grit

Coming from a classical music background I could relate, in the sense that I played Swan Lake several times. The score was incredible with the combination with the original music. The cinematography was amazing. The sets, the art direction, the costumes, everything. The suspense was real. The feeling you get having that much pressure to perform is real and it makes you crazy.

How about the sex?

It was one of the worst sex scenes I’ve seen in a long time. But the lingerie was hot.

Did you act in any porn parodies this year?

I played Charlotte in Sex in the City and then I played Daphne from Scooby Doo. I was also in a mainstream movie called Drive, a Nicholas Refn movie. I played a battered wife. I didn't have any lines, just reactions. It was with the actor who played my husband and Albert Brooks. I was so starstruck. I remember watching Defending Your Life when I was younger. I'm like, "That's Albert Brooks! Oh my god, I don't know how to talk to this person." I'm pretty shy in general.

Any other movie picks?

True Grit. I love the Coens. That was one of the best Westerns, probably one of my favorites since The Proposition.

You're up for "performer of the year." Any others you're proud of?

I'm nominated for "Most Outrageous Sex Scene" again. I won it last year. It's me and Andy San Dimas and Rocco Siffredi. We were in a pool playing with soy milk. Then "Best Girl-Girl," "Best Girl-Girl Group" ... I have four nominations in girl-girl.

So I guess you are perfectly qualified to rate the action between Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis.

Heck yeah. I am the best person to ask.

So what could they have done better in that scene?

Maybe had sex.

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Posted by ahillis at January 8, 2011 12:07 PM